Rediscovering the power of play
When I was a kid, I had a huge imagination and I loved to play. I remember myself at a young age, learning the macarena with one of our au pairs, memorizing dances and songs from movies, and performing both for my family and other adults. I was an avid reader, and I loved to write stories and imagine different endings for all of my favorite characters. There is a famous time in the McConnell family folklore when myself, my brother and my sister squatted in a row (now, I know where my ease in a malasana squat comes from), singing songs and scooping sand around with shells. The actual memory of this is loose and flimsy, partial fact and fiction in the way that early memories become, but it's one of silliness and joy. A memory that exemplifies carefree childhood.
When I look back and attempt to feel myself in those moments, I sense my deep desire to play - to feel and be joyful. Now somewhere along my early teen developmental trajectory this spark of playfulness and silliness started to die out. I went through a phase where I wanted to be an actor and I loved musical theater. I starred in a few musicals and local theater productions in middle school, but gradually became too awkward, embarrassed, and self-conscious to continue. It started feeling like theater was “way too uncool” to be involved in, and I ultimately stopped doing these activities and thrust myself into “more practical” extracurriculars like volunteering, community service, and student government.
I started molding myself into a version that was more likely to be successful (whatever the heck that means) and lost more and more of that creative spark. Honestly, I lost that creative spark for a long-time. I replaced any time that might have gone towards “play” and creativity with tasks that seemed productive and often felt way more celebrated.
In learning about others through my friendships and clinical work, I’ve observed that many people have lost a connection with play. One of my favorite questions to ask when I meet a new client is “what do you love to do just for yourself? Just for the joy of doing it?” In other words, how do you play? People’s response to this is interesting… sometimes they don’t fully understand the question as if play has been completely lost or so inaccessible by their life circumstances. Sometimes they give me a sneaky grin and admit to a hobby or passion project, usually followed by “it's hard to make time for, though…”
And yet, it has so many benefits for our health!!! Play has been studied for decades, primarily for its role in supporting child development. AND, play is essential for adults too and can help to reduce stress, improve cognitive function, and enhance social relationships. In addition to play, which is a behavior, there is research on how the trait of playfulness can impact perceived stress and our use of coping skills. A study of more than 800 university students found that students with low levels of playfulness reported higher levels of stress and reduced use of active coping skills (versus avoidant coping skills).
Play is challenging to give ourselves permission to embrace, pursue, and prioritize. Also, play might be significantly more difficult for some to access due to poverty, systemic racism or inequality, disability, or other contextual factors (that deserves a whole post for itself). Play has become a lost art for many of us, and I think it's essential for us to rediscover. I intuitively know that cultivating an attitude of playfulness and making time for play behaviors helps me feel better and more connected. How about you?
In my mid-20s there were a few activities that I discovered which helped me reconnect with the power and joy of play.
Perhaps the first one was yoga. Often yoga was a refuge for an anxious and overworked mind, and in addition to a sense of calm, I gradually discovered a lightness and a playfulness in my body. Another major one was crafting, which I fully (obsessively?) embraced in the first semester in my master’s of occupational therapy program. After a few initial moments of feeling paralyzed by perfectionism, I dove deep into crafts projects like mosaicking, wood burning, collageing, and sewing. These projects demanded high levels of focus, but the creativity, activity absorption, and enjoyment of the process also felt like play.
In my first year of living in Santa Monica, I impulsively bought myself roller skates as a birthday present and started skating down the boardwalk and attempting to dance skate with the infamous roller skate dancers in Venice. (This is a fun internet rabbit hole: see this amazing individual performer.)
And… of course, spending time in the ocean and surfing is an activity that gifts me many embodied moments of playfulness.
A hypothesis based on my study and practice of occupational therapy and on my own lived experience is that we have a wellspring of playfulness within us, and we all have the capacity to play. While we might lose this at some (or many) points due to life challenges, injury, illness, socioeconomic factors, and other traumas, we have the potential to rediscover and remember this resource in everyday living. Perhaps by discovering meaningful activities, rituals, and routines of play, by ourselves or with others, we can cultivate greater gratitude, resiliency, and a sense of wellbeing.
Practice:
Consider the following questions for yourself. You might journal on these questions or just contemplate them during quiet time or discuss with a friend.
What was your experience of play as a child? What were even the small ways you entertained yourself with your imagination and/or moved your body for fun?
Do you recall moment(s) of losing your sense of playfulness? How did it change your identity, relationships, and/or the activities you participated in?
What are your current, or past, barriers to practicing play and cultivating playfulness?
What, if anything, do you currently do to play? What environments and which people/pets/beings help you participate in this?
What is one tiny change you might make this week to cultivate greater playfulness?
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This article was originally published on Substack, where you can access the full archive of my writing and subscribe to my Living Aligned newsletter.