Feel the feeling, and let it go
“Feel the feeling. Really feel the feeling. And then let it go.” A wise woman I connected with in Costa Rica said this to me when I was in the middle of a hard travel week. I will spare you the full sob story, but in short, we recently got ourselves in a dicey transportation situation in Nicaragua and our surfboards got stolen off the bus…
Shit happens. Life happens. And I was feeling frustrated, angry, sad, scared, isolated… Oh so many things. And yet, I realized when she said those words to me that I hadn’t really let myself feel all of those feelings.
It is so hard for me to just feel my feelings. What is it like for you?
When you feel an emotion rising to the surface, creeping up on you (or slamming into you) like a wave… can you really give yourself permission to feel it?
I struggle with this, but it is a core value of mine and something I continually practice.
When I say “feel the feeling”, I mean to feel it in your body, not to think about it, analyze it, or otherwise ruminate. I do cognitive analysis of emotions pretty well. Now, there is nothing wrong with taking a logical lens to our feelings and seeking to understand them. This cognitive appraisal of our feeling state can have a lot of benefits, and has certainly helped me gain perspective, reduce stress and anxiety.
And… in my personal journey, this analysis and appraisal of the feeling realm hasn’t been enough. It just skims the surface. Sometimes we can’t reason our way out of difficult emotions. We can’t always make sense of them. Sometimes our mind is a hindrance to us moving through them. It sprints circles around the feeling, examining it from every angle, searching the past, and grasping for the future, just trying to make some sense of the chaotic-ness inside.
I’d venture to say that without feeling our emotions in our bodies, the mind merely keeps us trapped in a cage. Spiraling in our own stories, paralyzed by the hectic and unpredictable world around us.
We are, after all, inside of a body. It is time we used this body to feel, to sense, to live.
But how??? It's a simple task, but not at all easy. And for some of us, it can feel scary. It can feel unsafe.
Maybe the body has not been a place of safety, due to trauma, illness, injury and/or pain. When the mind-body system feels too much or overwhelmed, it will begin to shut-down. This might lead to dissociation, feeling numb, feeling lost, feeling extreme fatigue.
In scientific terms, our ability to feel into our bodies is interoception. Interoception allows us to sense the inner landscape of our bodies via nerves that connect sensory receptors throughout the body to our brain.
Put plainly, interoception allows us to answer the question, “how do you feel?”
If you imagine me asking you that question right now, what is alive for you? Does something immediately rise into your awareness? Do you go blank? Are you annoyed with me for even asking?
It is interesting asking people this question. I have found that many of us have a hard time answering, particularly individuals who have experienced trauma or live with chronic illness or pain.
In the world of interoception we can be over or under-responsive to interoceptive cues. This is a spectrum rather than two binary categories, and our responses might be different in different body systems. Over-responsivity might look like anxiety over physical sensations, high sensitivity to environmental cues, drinking too much water, or frequent snacking in response to hunger cues. Under-responsivity might look like missing bodily cues, pushing past pain during an activity and then having a flare, overeating due to not feeling full, or rushing to the bathroom at the last minute.
Interoception informs our emotional state, AND, it impacts our behavior. It impacts how we respond to and care for our bodies. Interoception and interoceptive awareness (how we notice and relate to what we feel) directly impact our embodied sense of self.
Luckily, interoception is a skill that can be developed. The evidence clearly indicates that we can improve this sense. The most efficacious way we can do this is through mindfulness. Mindfulness practices strengthen the area of the brain, the insula, responsible for interoception and interoceptive awareness.
Okay, so we should all be practicing mindfulness meditation then, right??
Not necessarily. If this is your jam, go for it with exuberance. But, I believe that jumping straight into mindfulness meditation is not always available to everyone, especially as a starting point. A brilliant occupational therapist, Kelly Mahler, has developed clinical resources (most notably, the Interoception Currciulum) to break down mindfulness so that it can be applied to everyday life in order to improve interoception. I definitely encourage you to check out her resources and courses if this topic interests you.
Here is a small way to start building your “feeling skills” today:
Pick a part of your body that you would like to feel. It is easier to start with outer body parts (e.g. hands, feet, face) rather than inner bodily organs (e.g. heart, gut, etc.).
Pick a moment in your day when you will practice feeling this part of your body. It is easier to pick a daily activity where you will have more sensation. For example, if I choose to start with my hands, I could practice feeling sensations in my hands while washing them, showering, washing dishes, or petting my cat.
Practice this in small, small pieces. Maybe you start with noticing for a few seconds and labeling 1-2 sensations. It can be helpful to notice temperature, textures, tensions, pressures (e.g. hot/cold, wet/dry, rough, slimy, smooth, etc.)
Over time, you might work your way up to a mindful routine of showering or doing the dishes. Maybe, you work up to a designated mindfulness meditation where you sit still and notice sensations in and around the body.
Most importantly, be gentle with yourself as you practice. This is a skill!
Feeling our feelings is hard. Being with uncomfortable sensations in our bodies is very challenging. Interoception and practicing applied mindfulness gives us some foundational tools and a roadmap to become more embodied. Strengthening this sense helps us to live feeling more connected to ourselves and the world around us. This ultimately helps life feel more juicy and vibrant and full of joy.
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This article was originally published on Substack, where you can access the full archive of my writing and subscribe to my Living Aligned newsletter.